5 hidden signs that you have been victimized by a narcissist

When a narcissist tries to manipulate and control their surroundings, it can be difficult to detect.
Here, experts list warning signs that you have been subjected to psychological abuse by a narcissist.
“It can be especially difficult if the person with narcissistic personality disorder is a roommate, a partner, a parent, or a colleague,” says Jeff Temple, professor and licensed psychologist, to the website Insider.

Narcissism is a diagnosis that falls under the concept of personality disorder.

The diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by, among other things, a grandiose self-image, lack of empathy, and arrogance—which can lead to behaviors that harm others.

It is not always obvious and can be difficult to identify. Especially since narcissists often appear charming, kind, and supportive at first, psychiatrist Paul Poulakos tells Insider.

Here are some signs that you may be affected.

1. You feel worthless

By breaking down your self-esteem, the person with NPS gains greater influence over your life. The goal is for you to rely solely on their validation. According to Jeff Temple, this can be achieved, for example, by constantly comparing you to others and telling you how you don’t measure up.

“This often leads to the victim having low self-esteem in several areas of life, such as work, parenting, or other relationships,” says Temple.

2. You no longer recognize yourself

When the manipulation has been going on for a long time, parts of your identity begin to fade. You adapt more and more, and eventually you no longer feel like yourself.

According to Paul Poulakos, it is common to:

• You change yourself in a way that fits the person’s ideal.
• You stop doing things you like so as not to make the person angry.
• You have difficulty separating your values and needs from the other person’s values and needs.

3. You question your own reality

So-called gaslighting is common in psychological abuse carried out by a narcissist. The goal is for you to question your own feelings and experiences.

Paulakos gives an example: Let’s say you try to point out behaviors that you don’t like, a person with NPS might respond, for example, “that’s just in your head” or “you’re way too sensitive.”

The hope is that you will feel irrational and thus become easier to control.

4. You feel isolated from your surroundings

Another way to maintain the balance of power is to cut yourself off from your social safety net. You should be as dependent on the other person as possible.

The consequence is that you stop contacting friends and family, for example, for fear of how the person will react.

5. Others are drawn into the conflict

The person with NPS may seek allies in others around you. This can be achieved by spreading rumors or other negative comments that create conflict.

By getting more people on their side, they can strengthen their position and power.

Can have serious consequences

Not everyone with narcissistic personality syndrome automatically engages in psychological abuse. And not everyone who hurts others emotionally is a narcissist. It is also possible to have narcissistic personality traits without meeting the criteria for narcissism.

Regardless of how you are affected and by whom, it can have far-reaching effects, which in some cases is at least as harmful as physical violence, says Jeff Temple.

In addition to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, a range of physical symptoms can manifest, including nausea, fatigue, muscle pain, chronic aches and pains, and headaches.

“Many victims spend years believing they are worthless. To get past that, you have to rebuild yourself from the ground up and challenge the negative thoughts you have learned,” says Temple, urging anyone affected to seek out both support groups and therapy.

Signs of narcissistic personality syndrome (NPS)

• Grandiose self-image
• Obsessed with success
• Believes they are unique
• Demands excessive admiration
• Inflated belief in their rights
• Takes advantage of others
• Lack of empathy
• Excessive jealousy
• Arrogant behavior