Is Your Partner (or Ex) a Narcissist? 4 Ways to Tell

A narcissist is not always easy to recognize, especially if you are in love. In the beginning, everything is peaceful and joyful. You are newly in love and mostly find his or her self-absorption “charming.”

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But over time, their endless need for validation becomes increasingly frustrating. Here, psychologist Maria Farm gives four examples of how narcissistic traits can manifest themselves in a relationship.

Once again, it is important to distinguish between a diagnosis of NPD and a person with narcissistic traits.

1. The person demands a great deal of admiration

– The person both needs and demands a great deal of admiration. Not just the occasional compliment, but more than that. He or she is easily offended if this does not happen and can become arrogant. The person is definitely not the clingy type. He/she expects to be courted or waited on, but gives nothing in return.

2. They show no interest in you

– For example, they don’t ask any questions about how I’ve been or what I did today. Most people who are newly in love are genuinely interested in the person they are dating, but not the narcissist.

3. They are manipulative

– They can be quite manipulative and exploit others for their own purposes, both in their career and in their love life. They are not a sympathetic person, even if it is not always apparent. Outwardly, in front of other people, they can be very charming, but at home they can be downright mean and put their partner down. They inflate themselves to protect themselves from anxiety and sadness. Often, narcissists have had a tough and insecure upbringing with inadequate parents.

4. They become jealous of you

– There is a great deal of jealousy in this personality type. If others have something that is ‘better’, such as an expensive car, it arouses very strong envy – the narcissist wants MORE. In a relationship, this can be devastating, such as when your partner does not share your joy, for example when you get promoted. He/she experiences it more as a blow to their self-esteem and does not appreciate it at all.

How to deal with a narcissist

It can be challenging to interact with someone who has narcissistic traits or a narcissistic personality disorder. According to psychologist Cory Newman, it is best to fly under the person’s radar, if you can.

“If it’s someone you work with or a casual acquaintance, you can try to stay away without making it too obvious that you are avoiding them,” Newman tells Prevention.

If it’s a family member or someone who is actually close to you, it becomes more difficult. In that case, it’s important to set clear boundaries because the relationship can affect your own mental health.

Can it be treated?

Treating someone with narcissistic personality disorder is extremely complex. This is partly because the person in question rarely seeks help and partly because personality disorders cannot be “cured” in the same way as, for example, temporary depression.

“Of course, there are narcissists who seek help, but they are rare in private practices. This is only natural, since they are self-glorifying and believe that everyone else is at fault,” says Maria Farm.

When they do seek care, it may be as a result of depression, which is a common companion to personality disorder, or substance abuse. Treatment is particularly complicated because NPD has some comorbidity with other personality disorders.

However, it is possible to learn to live with narcissistic personality disorder. According to the Mayo Clinic, treatment usually consists of talk therapy. Among other things, the person learns to understand what drives them and how they can better relate to other people.

There are no medications that cure the disorder, but accompanying problems, such as depression and anxiety, can be treated.

How to prepare for a breakup with a narcissist

The website Healthline has listed a number of steps you can take before breaking up with a person with narcissistic traits:

• Remind yourself that you deserve better.
• Build a stable network of family and friends who can provide you with emotional support.
• Encourage your partner to seek help.
• Remember that you may also need professional help.