5 hidden gaslighting phrases that twist your reality

Do you doubt your own judgment and hesitate about your own memories? Then you may be a victim of gaslighting. Here are five different phrases that are commonly used when someone is trying to manipulate you.

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Gaslighting is a tactic often used in psychological abuse. For the perpetrator, the goal is control and power, while the victim doubts their entire reality.

Gaslighting can also be a way to hide or refuse to take responsibility for one’s own bad behavior.

“For example, it could be accusing you of flirting or being unfaithful when it is actually him who is doing these things,” psychotherapist Beverly Engel tells the Huffington Post.

Below are some common phrases used by gaslighters.

1. “That didn’t happen.”

The perpetrator says or does something unpleasant and then immediately denies that it happened. According to trauma specialist Lisa Ferentz, this causes the victim to doubt their own instincts. Instead, this new “reality” takes over, created and manipulated by the perpetrator. This also increases the victim’s dependence on their abuser.

2. “You’re so sensitive!”

It’s not them, it’s you. If you try to express your disappointment about something your partner has said, your feelings will soon be belittled. You are simply too sensitive and making a mountain out of a molehill.

Once you have been broken down long enough, you stop questioning and the likelihood that you will continue to endure this psychological abuse increases.

3. “You’re crazy and so do other people think!”

The longer it goes on, the more you will question your own mental health. Then the abuser is ready to confirm what you fear most: “You’re crazy!”

The abuser may also spread this image among your loved ones. The goal is to undermine you and isolate you from your family and friends.

This is another step for the abuser to make the victim dependent on them.

4. “I’m sorry if you think I hurt you.”

It sounds like an apology, but it’s actually a way of shifting the responsibility back to you. It must be you who has misinterpreted the situation or overreacted.

“This can lead to a partner losing trust in their own judgment and reactions,” says psychologist B Nilaja Green.

You start to believe that you are actually too sensitive and irrational.

5. “You should have understood how I would react”

Once again, the focus is shifted from the perpetrator to the victim. Gaslighting involves distorting facts to avoid taking responsibility for one’s behavior.

“By telling the victim that they should have known better, the gaslighter places the blame on the victim,” says therapist Shannon Thomas.

How to break the vicious cycle

If you have been stuck in this type of relationship dynamic for a long time, it can be very difficult to break free.

In many cases, it requires a third party, someone you trust and dare to confide in. Many victims of psychological abuse find it difficult to share their experiences even with their loved ones, as they feel they are being disloyal to their partner. But in this case, it is vital, says Beverly Engel.

There is a high probability that they will not change their behavior, even if it is revealed.

Why is it called gaslighting?

The term originates from the 1938 play “Gas Light.” The story revolves around the systematic manipulation that Jack Manningham subjects his wife Bella to (a role for which Ingrid Bergman won an Oscar in the 1944 film adaptation).

Jack makes small changes to the couple’s home, including dimming the lights and insisting that nothing has happened. The aim is to make Bella doubt her own perception of reality.