Spot the Narcissist: 9 signs to watch For

A grandiose self-image? A lack of empathy? These are two signs that can reveal a true narcissist.
Here is a guide to help you recognize and deal with people you suspect have narcissistic traits or suffer from narcissistic personality disorder.

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The term narcissism originates from Greek mythology and the beautiful young man Narcissus, who falls in love with his own reflection.

Today, the term is used quite freely; posting too many selfies on Instagram can be enough to be called a narcissist. But there is a big difference between having narcissistic traits, which basically everyone has, and suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. The latter is an actual diagnosis that can cause great suffering both for the person affected and those around them.

Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

• Grandiose self-image
• Obsessed with success
• Believes they are unique
• Demands excessive admiration
• Inflated sense of entitlement
• Exploits others
• Lack of empathy
• Excessive jealousy
• Arrogant behavior

What is narcissistic personality disorder?

In the diagnostic tools DSM-5 and ICD-10, narcissism is classified as a personality disorder. It is therefore a lasting behavior and not a temporary one.

“Simply put, it’s how you are and how others perceive you. It’s not that you fall into depression at some point in your life and may be quite self-absorbed at that particular time,” psychologist Maria Farm says.

“According to the book, a narcissist has ‘a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy,’” she says.

However, the diagnosis is controversial. According to an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry from 2015, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is understudied and was almost excluded from the DSM-5 when it was published in 2013.

Test: Signs that someone may be a narcissist

In the DSM-5, narcissistic personality disorder is defined as someone with persistent grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. These traits are found in at least five of the nine contexts listed below.

However, it is important to remember that psychological terms exist on a spectrum and symptoms can vary in severity. You can also have several narcissistic traits without suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. It is therefore not enough that some of the characteristics apply to you or someone you know. The definition of a personality disorder is that it has a negative impact on the person’s everyday life, for example when it comes to identity, emotional life, relationships, and work.

You should therefore not make your own diagnosis.

1. Grandiose self-image

They have an exaggerated self-image and believe that they are more important than they actually are. According to Prevention, they often overestimate their own abilities and underestimate those around them. If they fail at something, it is often someone else’s fault, and they almost never blame themselves for their failures. 

2. Obsessed with success

The person is obsessed with the idea of endless success, power, beauty, and love. They demand perfection and success in all areas of life, including their choice of partner. They expect a partner who is flawless and place great importance on appearance and status rather than personal qualities, according to Cory Newman, professor of psychology.

3. Believes they are unique

Of course, it is important to have good self-confidence and believe that you are unique. But they take this to an extreme level. They therefore consider themselves too special to associate with anyone other than people who share their attitudes and values. If they need to see a doctor, they demand to see the best doctor, and only someone with specialist knowledge is qualified to treat them. 

4. Demand excessive admiration

Everyone needs some form of validation to feel seen and loved. In the case of narcissists, the pursuit of admiration is taken to the extreme. They demand a constant stream of fuel for their ego, which is essentially quite fragile.

5. Inflated belief in their rights

Narcissists believe they have certain special rights and always expect favorable treatment regardless of the situation. Certain rules and laws do not seem to apply to them.

6. Exploits others

A narcissist will stop at nothing to achieve their own goals. They have no problem exploiting others to get what they want.

7. Lack of empathy

A narcissist refuses to understand or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8. Excessive jealousy

Constantly comparing themselves to others, usually more successful people, in their vicinity is common for them. Assuming that the less successful people around them are jealous is also common behavior. 

9. Arrogant behavior

A narcissist can display both haughty and arrogant attitudes toward others. Let’s say you’re on a date with someone who just ordered the most expensive bottle on the entire menu. That person may be super nice to you, but behaves incredibly condescendingly toward the staff and complains about how stupid people are in general.

Open vs. hidden narcissism

Some experts believe that there are two different types of narcissists: the grandiose and the vulnerable, or the overt and the covert, as they are also known.

Both types have the same basic characteristics, but their outward behavior can differ. The covert narcissist may appear introverted and be both modest and withdrawn, which makes them more difficult to detect.

According to Medical News Today, there are some possible less obvious signs of covert narcissism:

Hidden superiority

The person may appear modest but still believes they are superior to others. They may avoid certain situations or tasks so that this perception is not challenged.

Avoiding social situations

The person is uninterested in social contexts or actively avoids them to avoid comparing themselves to others, which can lead to jealousy.

Hypersensitive to criticism

They see criticism as a personal attack and easily become defensive and can be perceived as passive-aggressive.

Difficulties with relationships and work

When something or someone does not live up to their high self-perception, they choose to end the relationship.

Famous examples: Is Donald Trump a narcissist?

There are plenty of people with narcissistic traits. However, suffering from narcissistic personality disorder is rare. According to Psychology Today, the figure is believed to be around 1 percent of the population.

In popular culture, narcissistic traits are often used to portray problematic characters. Some examples are the fictional character Dorian Gray, the “Mad Men” character Don Draper, and Hugo Rask in Lena Andersson’s books “Egenmäktigt förfarande” and “Utan personligt ansvar.”

Whether they suffer from NPD, however, is difficult to answer.

One real person who has been labeled this is former US President Donald Trump. However, American psychologist Allen Frances believes that it is dangerous to label people as mentally ill without actual evidence to support it. Allen himself helped write the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder when it was introduced into the DSM in 1978. He admits that Trump fits almost every symptom, but adds that many successful people can be extremely narcissistic without being pathological. For a diagnosis, the signs must be accompanied by severe distress and impaired functioning.

“Trump undoubtedly causes both anxiety and a deterioration in everyday life for others, but it does not seem to affect him in that way,” Allen wrote in an article published on the health website Statnews in 2017.

Why do people become narcissists?

The exact causes of narcissism as a personality disorder are not entirely clear. It seems to affect more men than women and often develops during adolescence or young adulthood.

Genetics, neurobiology, and environment are all believed to play a role. Everything from childhood trauma to unrealistic expectations or excessive adoration from parents is also considered to be contributing factors.

Source: Mayo Clinic, Healthline.